Realizations
by eilien
Summary: Post Ep for Reveille. Tony has some important things to say to Kate after Ari took her hostage. TATE


Title: Realizations

Spoilers: Reveille (a must know for the story)

Author's note: This story picks up after Ari gave Kate her cellphone and told her to call Secret Service to warn them about the planned terrorist attack on Marine One. After the call, Ari left on his bike and Kate called NCIS to let them know about her whereabouts.

Disclaimer: Not mine

Kate still sat in exactly the same spot since Ari left her. The wind was blowing through her hair and she absent mindly touched her split lip, a thousand thoughts running through her head. They were all interrupted, when she saw the NCIS truck and a few cars approach. She stood up from the bench and crossed her arms over her chest, slowly walking towards the cars. Gibbs was the first one to exit the truck, advancing her with forceful steps.

"Where is that son of a bitch?!" he asked gruffly, looking at her through narrowed eyes.

"He left half an hour ago." Kate answered weakly, pointing in the direction in which Ari rode off. Gibbs glared at her, his jaw clenching and unclenching.

"Get checked out by Ducky, and let him drive you home, I expect a full debriefing first thing in the morning." He turned around. "Dinozzo, McGee, search this place top to bottom, I want everything!"

McGee jumped at his tone, walking right away to the barn. Tony strode over to Kate, his eyes searching hers for a split second, opening his mouth to say something, before Gibbs broke their moment.

"Now, Dinozzo!" Tony glared at him "Yeah, boss" he said through gritted teeth and followed McGee to the barn.

It was nearly 9 pm when the team finally arrived back at the office. Gibbs didn't want to leave one stone unturned. Unfortunately they didn't find anything, that could help them find Ari. Gibbs angrily threw his jacket on his chair, grabbed the box with the bagged evidence and wordlessly rushed to the elevator. McGee switched off the lamp on his desk, gathered his belongings and left. "Goodnight, Tony" he said and headed for the elevator.

"Yeah, see you" Tony answered distracted, while putting away his badge. He was so tired and felt every bone in his body. He was already putting on his jacket, when he came to a halt in front of Kate's desk. He just stood there for a few seconds, staring at it, his heart beginning to beat faster. She'd looked horrible when they arrived at the farm, her posture tired and exhausted and a swollen gash on her lip. Just thinking about it evoked a different set of emotions in Tony. Anger at what Ari did to her, helplessness that he didn't or couldn't protect her and relief that she was after all alive…

He sighed deeply and ran a hand over his face. All of this was partly his fault. He saw "the love of his life", the swedish girl, dead on the ground, beside the bench. At first he was above shocked, but slowly put two and two together, after they found some compromising documents in the barn, linking her to Hamas.

A strong wave of shame and guilt washed over him. If he hadn't left so abruptly after lunch, just to _chase another skirt, _Kate wouldn't have gone back to the office alone, and therefore not been kidnapped.

His hands balled into fists. He failed her. As a partner and as a friend. He should have been there for her. With one last look at her empty desk he made a decision. Instead of waiting for the elevator to arrive, he took the stairs and rushed down to the car park. The least he could do was to be there for her now.

Twenty minutes later Tony sat in front ot Kate's apartment building. He looked up to the windows of the second floor, where he knew her apartment was. He had been there before, on a few rare occasions, either discussing a rather difficult case with Kate after workhours or with Abby and McGee just for fun.

The only source of light was a greyish flicker from her living room, indicating that Kate was watching tv. Sighing deeply, Tony got out of the car and locked it. There was no turning back or chickening out now. He entered the building and took the stairs to the second floor, finally standing in front of her door, listening intently. He couldn't hear one bit. '_Maybe she went to bed.' _He thought. Unsure of what to do now, he put his hands in his pockets and leaned against the wall. _'This is ridiculous, you've made it this far, might as well go all the way now' _ With new confidence he raised his fist and knocked on her door. Seconds later, he heard some rustling behind it and Kate's muffled voice.

"Who is it?"

"Uhm, hey it's me." Tony answered softly, trusting her to recognize his voice. She opened the door and looked at him with a confused and surprised expression on her face. "Tony, what are you doing here? Something wrong?" He nearly laughed at the irony of her asking him if everything's alright. "No, I mean…" He trailed off and looked at her more closely "Did I wake you?"

"Oh, no, you didn't, I was just sitting on my couch and you know…" She exhaled loudly, gesticulating unconsciously with her hands "…thinking" She looked at him, biting her lip.

"Right, I hope I'm not bothering you or…" He couldn't even finish the sentence, because Kate interrupted him "No, not at all, come on in" She opened the door all the way and let him in, heading for the living room. Tony closed the door and hung up his jacket before following her. When he reached her he took in her appearance for the first time. She had her hair in a loose pony tail and wore a hooded jacket that was at least one size too big and matching sweat pants. When he looked around the room he noted that the tv was on but muted. It created a somewhat eerie atmosphere in the otherwise dark apartment. There was an empty cup of tea on the table with an opened bottle of wine and a glass beside it. A wooden blanket lay discarded on the couch. Taking in the sight before him, Tony was glad that he came over, just thinking about Kate sitting here, alone with her thoughts, made him sad.

"Can I offer you something?" Kate's voice brought him out of his reverie. "Uhm, I'm having whatever you're having" He answered, and watched her disappear into the kitchen, only to re-emerge moments later with a second wine glass in her hand. She sat down on the couch, signaling him to do the same and poured the wine in the glass. Putting her legs on the couch and draping the blanket over them, she handed him his glass and leaned back. Silence descended upon them, both sipping their wine. Tony cleared his throat and put his glass on the table, but was at a loss of words. _'This seemed easier a few minutes ago than it does now' _. Kate watched him intently, leaned forward and also put her glass away.

"Why are you here?" She asked, catching his attention.

"I just wanted to see if you're ok, after the whole Ari hostage situation and all" He said, looking at his folded hands.

"Not that I don't want you here, but, you know, that's the first time that you check up on me after a case, it's normally not your style."

He looked sharply at her "Yeah, and that's the problem, it's not my style, I usually _don't_ do it. I realized after today what a horrible partner I've been to you the past few days and I wanted to apologize." His voice raised mid-sentence and became very soft at the end.

Kate furrowed her brow "I don't understand, what are you talking about?!" Tony turned to her, facing her now completely.

"When I was a cop in Baltimore, partnership was everything. It was essential to survive on the street and to fulfill my duties. I knew that my partner had my back 100 percent and vice versa. I could count on him watching out for me." His words were spoken with such an intensity that Kate involuntarily leaned back a bit.

"I didn't have your back today" He snorted, "Far from it!" Kate opened her mouth to say something but Tony put up a finger to silence her. "Please, let me finish." He swallowed hard. "After we discovered that something was wrong, you know, you first of all not answering your cell and then lying about the oysters for lunch, I had a very bad feeling. Something happened between us sitting at the table, bantering around and enjoying lunch and you heading back to the office. And if I hadn't taken off just to run after _her_, nothing would have happened, coz I'd have had your back." Tony rubbed the nape of his neck. "We saw her, dead on the ground beside the bench and learned that she worked for Hamas. I should have known, I'm sorry, I failed you."

Kate was taken back by his confession. His words sounded so pained and sincere that she didn't know what to say at first. Tony had meanwhile turned his head away from her and stared out the window.

"Tony…" When he didn't show some sign of reaction Kate carefully took his hand in hers. "Hey, you were set up, all of us were set up. None of us could have known that something like this would happen."

Tony shook his head "But still, I should have been there with you, instead of running after some girl." Kate averted her eyes and let her hand slip out of his grasp "What?" Tony frowned "What else happened with her?" Kate debated with herself whether she should tell him what Marta wanted to do with Tony if Kate didn't help them. On the one side she didn't want to make him more miserable, but on the other side he would hear about it anyway, at the latest read it in her report. Maybe it would be better to tell him now in person without an audience.

"She, uh, she threatened to put a bullet in your head while running her fingers through your hair this evening, if I didn't help them identifying Marine One." Kate swallowed and looked at Tony. "I was convinced that she'd do it, so I helped them."

Tony sighed. "God, what a mess." He turned back to her "I'm so sorry…"

Kate put a strand of hair behind her ear. "I, I was so scared for you. I didn't know what to do or what to think. I need you to be more careful, even if you couldn't have known what she was, I just… I need you to be more careful." Kate had to swallow hard now so that she wouldn't cry. Tony saw the tears that threatened to fall and closed the gap between them and put his arms around her. Kate put hers around his neck and interwined her hands. They just sat there for a moment, Tony placing his cheek against her head and Kate breathing in his scent.

When Tony pulled away, Kate tightened her grip on him. "Not yet." She whispered, so Tony leaned back on the couch and took Kate with him, replacing his hands on either of her sides.

When they both noticed that they were getting sleepy and starting to nod off, they sat back up, not leaving the close proximity, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes.

"I just need to say it once more" Tony started and stroked her hand with his thumb. "I'm sorry for not being there."

"Apology accepted." Kate said and a faint smile crept on both of their faces. "But, I need to say something, too. You're still the best partner anyone could wish for. You're fun and easy to work with, even if we fight half of the day." They both laughed at this. "But I also know that you're going to have my back 100 percent" She finished, mirroring his earlier words.

Kate could tell that Tony was moved by her words and put a hand to his face, stroking his cheek. They both subconsciously moved closer until their lips were almost touching, both trying to give the other one a way out, if wanted. When noone pulled back, Kate leaned all the way in and kissed him. Tony leaned back and took Kate once again with him, but this time she straddled him. He put his hands under her jacket and stroked her back. After a few minutes of deep kissing, Kate pulled away and smiled at him.

"As nice as this is, I'm really exhausted and tired." She said and stood up. Tony looked a little bit confused. "We, uh, should talk about this." He said.

"Yes we should, but not tonight" She took his hand in hers, suddenly a bit shy.

"Would you stay with me tonight?" She asked.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He answered and followed her to the bedroom.

_The End_


End file.
